the asshole

Deprived of sleep, the straight backed omnivore sits, with his back against the trunk of a fruit tree, staring into space. His eyes are glazed; his stare, vacant. And yet there is much movement behind, invisible to the naked eye. Infrequent scratching and knuckle cracking accompany his extensive sighing routine.
A member of the herd cautiously approaches his languishing figure and brings a gift of smokable tobacco.

The Gift Bearer: Excuse me. Here...these are for you.

The omnivore slowly turns his head. His expression does not change. His eyes lazily scan the intruder's form and a few silent calculations are made inside his mind. The omnivore swallows, as if preparing the vocal apparatus for use; then, with another sigh, reaches out to receive the gift. The intruder places it in the omnivore's hand. The transaction thus complete, the ice is deemed broken. The Gift Bearer gains in confidence and begins to speak.

The Gift Bearer: You appear distressed. Might I inquire as to the reason for your current state? Has there been a murder?

The Omnivore: And by murder you mean...?

The Gift Bearer: By murder I mean exactly that: Murder! Have I offended you with my candidness? Am I too blunt? Or do you not love me? Are you too proud to tell me your story?

The Omnivore: (Sighing) If you insist. I will tell you my story if you insist. Do you insist?

The Gift Bearer: (Solemnly) I insist.

The Omnivore: Last night. (pause) The story begins with an event that took place last night in my village. The village where I used to live and which was home to me. What happened was unusual. It was a peculiar event. As a direct consequence, I have left my village and my people last night. For i was visited...

(The Omnivore pauses for dramatic effect. He lifts his chin half an inch, his face is set, his expression grave, and looks down his nose at The Gift Bearer significantly. An disembodied arm is crawling up the fruit tree. It is creeping upwards to where the monkey sits. The monkey looks at its progress anxiously. Feeling distraught, the monkey considers raising some sort of alarm. So far, it is only making noncommittal noises, as if involved in private speech.)

The Gift Bearer: Visited you say? Was it your friend? Were you brought news? Has there been a murder?

The Omnivore: (gravely) It was a shadow from the forest. It spoke like the wind. In the language of the wind it spoke to me.

The Gift Bearer: (in a serious whisper) And what did it say?

The Omnivore: (exasperated) I wish I knew! I do not understand the language of the wind.

The Gift Bearer: (confused) Then why are you distressed? Surely there is no real cause for distress. There might not have been a murder after all!

The Omnivore: I have been pondering. I have pondered much about the message which was delivered. It was delivered to me, although in no language I could understand. But it was delivered and now I must bear it responsibly. I must understand it or pass it on to someone who does. Perhaps my destiny would be revealed to me in this fashion. Perhaps I am merely a vessel, an instrument, or a cog in the grand machinery of Design. Perhaps I must wait a while.

(The monkey screams and jumps at the disembodied arm. It picks it up gingerly and throws it quickly into the air without examining it further. It throws the arm away as if it were a hot coal, as if it had burnt him. The monkey throws the disembodied arm away from the fruit tree, away from its berries, for it is convinced the berries belong to it. The arm falls next to the The Omnivore. There are no objections raised.

The Gift Bearer: Surely it was God who spoke unto you and into you and to you. Surely God has spoken. Surely you must follow this to its logical conclusion. You must meet with a translator of divine messages.

The Omnivore: (profoundly and emphatically) There are no divine translators. God is incomprehensible! He speaks in the language of the wind.

The Gift Bearer: You have given up already?

The Omnivore: I may need encouragement and guidance.

The Gift Bearer: But God Himself has spoken to you. Surely you yourself are the guide!

The Omnivore: (suddenly enlightened) There is no doubt. No dount in my mind whatsoever regarding the truths thay you have uttered in your ignorant wisdom. I will now go abroad and search the lands for an answer.

The Gift Bearer: (pleased and encouraged to offer more insights) What if the answer is in fact the same as what was spoken. What if you are not meant to understand more than what you have understood?

The Omnivore: (ecstatic) My life has been changed! I shall never be at peace again. the higher purpose has been introduced.

(The monkey aims his buttocks carefully and defecates on top of The Omnivore. The Omnivore jumps up and cries out. His hair is soiled and filth drips down his ears and forms puddles inside. He looks about him and finds the disembodied arm lying nearby. He picks it up and throws it at the monkey. The monkey receives a sharp slap and falls down. The monkey's skull is broken. It lies dead in a crumpled heap.

The Gift Bearer: (on his feet. pointing and shouting) You have murdered that man!! There…there has been a murder!!

(He continues to shout until a crowd gathers.)

The Gift Bearer: (addressing the mob in self conscious rhetorical speech) Look ye sons of fathers. This man has committed murder. He hath taken a life. Surely we shall not look the other way while such wrong doers are present here among us.

The Omnivore: (panic stricken) Why are you saying such things? Have you forgotten so quickly the time when you offered me gifts and wished to know my heart? Have you forgotten that I am the chosen one? God Himself has spoken to me. Forgotten have you?

The Gift Bearer: (gaining confidence) Listen to this murderous wretch! Listen to him! He speaks highly of himself and defiles the name of God. Surely we shall not look the other way while this beast roams among us. Surely my brothers we must end him to save him. Surely!

(There is a cry raised in favor of justice. The mob clamours for The Omnivore's blood.)

The Omnivore: This is trickery and slander! I have not committed murder. Are you all blind? The dead one is a monkey. It relieved itself upon my head. Can you not see my head is covered in its foul muck? Will I not be pitied?

The Gift Bearer: Look my brothers...there lies the arm of the man he has murdered (points at the disembodied arm lying in the grassnext to the monkey). Surely he has eaten the rest. A cannibal thrives among us and justifies his acts by calling us all monkeys. He treats us as inferior and believes that God Himself has spoken to him. He is a threat to all our kind.

The Omnivore: You are a strange man indeed. Why do you say such things when you know the truth? You who have been by my side from the very beginning! What has brought this change upon you?

(The crowd is shouting for vengeance. Small stones have begun showering The Omnivore. The Gift Bearer tries to restrain the crowd.

The Gift Bearer: O’ my brothers I entreat you, we must have pity on this animal. We must not treat him as he has treated us. We must not stoop to his level. Only by setting an example for him can we still hope to save his damned soul. May God thus be pleased with us.

(His words assuage the crowd.)

The Gift Bearer: You...you foul beast! Leave the land of our fathers. We do not welcome murderers. You must leave. Go back to where you came from. We shall not kill you - though you have killed our brother - for we are not of your kind. Leave now and be gone forever.

(The Omnivore, weeping and disgraced, walks off and is observed by the mob till he cannot be seen any longer. The Gift Bearer is carried upon the shoulders of the crowd as it makes its way to town. The Gift Bearer is pleased and speaks aloud.

The Gift Bearer: I know not what has happened. But that it has happened is good for me.

(Someone tries to shake his hand and finds the appropriate arm missing. People wonder at this great sagacious philosopher. Others offer their daughters to him for marriage and general fucking.